Modern American Armor

In a land where donning plumed helmets and shields and brandishing swords isn't socially acceptable and rescuing a maiden in distress in considered sexist, a girl has to wonder how she is to survive. The solution: modern American armor. So well disguised, this armor is undetectable to all except the wearer. For those of you who are questioning my sanity (or at the very least, wondering if my O.A.I.D. is acting up), I shall describe to you my self-made modern American armor.

First, my hat. Black, as to accommodate any outfit. The most useful aspect of this hat is to keep people from noticing my messy hair. Just tie it back, put on my hat and viola! No one can tell that I did not wash my hair that morning. Also, if you happened to by fighting a baby dragon, whose fire-breathing skills are minimal, and you didn't have a shield on you and the baby dragon flew over your head and blasted it's very weak fire at you- then just perhaps the flame would hit your hat. You could then take your hat off and avoid having a scorched scalp.
That is the first piece of my modern American armor.

Second, a hoodie. This is very versatile. If you were transported to a magical land in eternal winter (hey, it's happened before!), then a hoodie is very useful. If this land somehow abruptly changed to a dry, arid summer, then take the hoodie off and use it as a basket by tying up the ends. The possibilities never end with this piece of armor. Always keep one handy.

Next, a pen and notebook. It helps keep clues and suspects in order when solving a mystery. You can write down appointment reminders and positive reinforcement in it (you can do it EJ!).  When you are bored, you can doodle or write in it. If you are about to die, you can write your last will and testimony in it. I always feel more prepared with this piece of armor.

Fourth (and this is a must have), M&Ms. Preferably the mini kind that come in those cylinder shaped cases that make the really annoying yet irresistible popping noise. If one wants to survive this crazy world, you first need energy. And what better way to get this energy than chocolate? (The answer: coffee, but that's beside the point). Having M&Ms handy boosts my confidence in any situation.

Lastly, a friend. Frodo had Sam. Jim Hawkins had Dr. Livsay. Chuck Noland had Wilson. If you are to have an adventure, bring a friend.

Thus concludes the synopsis of my armor.